


The sunlight hurts my eyes

by orphan_account



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bullying, Hurt/Comfort, Non-Binary Katsuki Yuuri, Other, Protective yurio, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Tears, Transgender Yuri Plisetsky, Yuuri's parents don't approve, domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-11 00:43:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8946280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Put on those shadesAnd wave to yesterdayThe sunlight hurts my eyes"      They tried to understand what "Gender" was, but never truly understood it. Of course they was different, but was what the mean kids say really true? Was I just a mess-up? Why are they so mean to me, what did I do to them. I'm not sure who I even am anymore, I know that my name is Yuuri Katsuki, I know thats its spelled in the female version. I know that I am not a boy, I know that I am not a girl, I just don't know what I am.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to vent out about this, I just needed to. Somethings in this story are just important to me, I hope you enjoy.

   Yuuri always knew they were different, yet for a long time they didn't understand what was different about them. Now this was a time in their life where things were changing, and it was a time where no matter what they did to try and stay neutral, people would always assume. Always assume when they wore a dress and shaved their legs that they were a "Madam" or "Lady" when truthfully they just wanted to experiment a bit. Always assume that when they began to grow out their hair that they were a girl, or when they began ballet and wore tutus that they were a girl. Not that their parents were against it, quite the opposite, where do you think they were getting the dresses anyway? But they just thought it was a "Cute Phase" and that it would soon end and they would have a regular child again.

     But then really didn't understand just who they were, being like everyone else and labeling him with words that never felt right in their mouth, they never really understood "Gender," even opting out of P.E because on the first day there were first forced to choose which Locker room to dress out in, eventually just going into a storage room to do it. Then, when they were about to run across the gym, the teachers began separating everyone into boys and girls, confusing them further. It was embarrassing to say the least, standing in the middle of the gym, looking expectantly at the teachers to say something. In the end it wasn't so bad, the girls and boys just kinda going into groups based on levels of intensity, rather than gender. 

     The best thing about that day wasn't just the equality, it was afterwards when a boy with long hair tied in a pony and wearing the female uniform came up to me and hugged me. I was confused and kind of scared until they whispered that they were born in a girls body, yet their mind was of a boy. Now, I didn't understand why they were so conscious about it so I simply said to them, "But why do you say you are trapped in another's body? You look, act, and believe you're a boy, so why are you sad?" After that the two of us became something akin to siblings, my "Big Brother" protecting me from bullies, and me the "Little Pig" trading clothes between the two of ourselves. Their name was Yuri, also spelled in the female version, yet they preferred Yurio, and I liked that better too.

     Big brother was really strong, and I know that because every day after school we would walk to the workout place where I do ballet and all they would do was workout. Now, they were too young to workout with heavier equipment that what was given, yet as the years flew by they only got stronger and stronger. Yurio had a very loving family, so when he told his family, they jumped and rushed to the pharmacy and store to buy the correct clothing and something called "T-shots." I was so proud of Yurio, and after months of transformation, he looked like a superhero! I even got to meet his family, and his grandpa made me delicious foods I can't even pronounce.

     However, when they go home everyday, my parents began to become more strict about what they would wear, how they would act, and everything of the sort. At dinner their mom would remind them that, "Only _girls_ cross their legs Yuuri," or when my father would speak, always emphasising on a pronoun that didn't apply to them. "So Yuuri told me  _h_ _e_ has a ballet concert coming up, isn't  _he_ a bit old for such a  _girly_ thing such as that?" Each word breaking away at their heart, why wouldn't they just  **understand!** Why was it so difficult for them to understand that  **no** they were not a girl, and  **no** they were not a boy, that they were  _just_ Katsuki Yuuri, and no one else.

* * *

     The first time he hit me them was 11, just coming back from Yurio's house where his grandmother had put makeup on their face. As they had walked through the kitchen door into the living room, a gruff hand gripped their shoulder and they turned around to see their father's cold face looking straight forward, as if he couldn't even look at them. As he grimly turned his head down to look at them, the look of utter disgust almost caused a sob to erupt in their throat, thinking _was I that ugly_? It began with a question, then another question, then a sharp and painful slap to their face, ending out with me being on the floor sobbing and begging for him to _stop kicking it hurts it hurts it hurts_. 

     Their not allowed to call them father anymore.

* * *

 

     They haven't told Yurio yet, its been 5 years and they still haven't told Yurio, the only person that they completly trust with my life. I just... didn't want to burden him with all the shit going on in my life right now, he doesn't deserve it. He is finally happy in life, after receiving top and bottom surgery, he finally has a body in sync with his mind. Why would I ruin his perfect life with mine right now, that's just selfish. He is still my superman, fending off bullies whenever he is around, but he's not always around, he's not always there when they strike.

     But they shall go on with their life, hiding the bruises and sprains and tears and scars, because they don't want to drag others into this, they don't want to be as selfish as my  _parents_ and harassers say they are! Yurio has a football game tonight, and since their parents are away for a month, their only reason being, "Shut up you fag, you don't need to know." Before being slammed in the face with a door. Seeing as though they are not here they might as well wear a dress, they haven't been able to in a long time and it seems like a good day to do it. Its routine now before they head out to go to a hidden stash in my room, get concealing makeup, cover as much as possible, then leave hoping that no one can hear the mouse-like screams of pain when they walk, _left, right, **left, right, lef-**_

     "Oh hello there _ma'am,_ sorry for bumping into you, but I have a game to go to."

     Someone said in a thick russian based accent, barely giving them anytime to correct them as a flash of silver crossed my sight. What a jerk, he didn't even help me up, I hope he is on the opposing so Yuiro can kick his ass two towns over. As they get closer to the school, a giant mass of blond hair sprints its way over to me, and they find themselves on the ground once again. It's hilarious how different he acts around me, as if he is a different person entirely. 

     "You made it, sweet! Nice dress, did you dress up for me. Haha! Anyway are you ready to watch me kick some sweet Trojan ass?"

     They give a soft giggle at his slightly terrifying excitement, suddenly sorry of anyone going against the 6'6 QB, but not completly because today we are playing our rivals, the Trojans. They have a history of pranks going from paint filled water balloons to stealing the school mascots, it's almost tradition. But seeing as though Yurio isn't completly steaming with anger, they haven't stricken yet. 

     "I gotta go little piggy, are you ok to walk to the school? The trojans could be  _anywhere._ Anywhere!"

      They nod their head, before showing him their phone's emergency contact list, which only has Yurio's number inside it, before stuffing it back in their pocket. Grunting in approval, Yurio rushes back to the field before his coach yells at him again. _Great, They're holding him back, just like their parents say they are, yet if they really were, why does he still hang around me? Is it pity, pity of a idiotic **thing that doesn't even know what their gender is.**_

They turn my head to be greeted by at least 15 other football clad men, one of them holding up a Trojan cheerleader uniform while the others look extremely intimidating at them. 'Well this is just great,' is all they think before punching the closest dude, currently gripping their shoulder, hard in the gut before running away as fast they can. Oh god where is Yurio, where is he? They just have to make it to the field, just make it to the field. They turn around the building before using the rest of their stamina to go full around flying into the shining seating area, completly out of breath while simultaneously filled to the brim with power.

      Looking around for any remaining football assholes, they sit down and think about everything they just did. They just hope Yurio doesn't find out about this, because the burning in my legs and the embarrassment of being an almost victim of sexism, will be  _childsplay_ compared the sick and cruel punishment that Yurio would do. Speaking of Yurio, the game is about to begin, and they think they deserve a little relaxation watching their best friend and literal brother kickass.


	2. Crystal eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2, the football fiasco.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it been almost a week dudes! I had 2 full day hockey tournaments and THEN my cousins came and THEN I have 3 hour training practices every day. So here ya guys and girls go, sorry if its a bit short but the only free time I have is anything past midnight and its 2 am, so here is my newest piece of trash- er I mean chapter!

     The game started off as they always did, they had been to enough of them understand the fundamentals of the sport. Of course in most games there was less animalistic _growls_ and faulty tackles, and more _actual football_. But they knew it meant a lot to Yurio that they were there so it never bothered them, however, this game differed from others in many ways, a major difference being the stares _they_ were receiving from the opposing team.

     Now, the events that had led up to the game were probably the reason behind their blatant ogling, it was unsettling to them whilst also scaring them slightly. The score was still zero to zero, yet their team was clearly dominating the plays, with defense as strong as ever the first quarter was coming to a close. They felt a sudden buzzing on their phones and picked it up only to receive an alarming amount of messages from their alethic friend, all having to due with their sweaty and exhausted appearance and their obvious absence from the majority of the start.

     After debating with themselves for almost a minute, they decided a wee white lie never hurt nobody, responding with some believable excuse that they "Had to run back home and get something." Yurio, thankfully believed them and put down his phone, right before he were called back to the field. The next quarter was where the score went from 0-0 to 14-0 in less than 10 minutes, clearing angering the Trojans to ballistic actions, resulting in several flags and even more injuries. 

     Just as the timer counted down to zero, just as the last play was made, one of the football players that has harassed them earlier, Yuuri being able to recognize them by their number, seemingly made a few comments to Yurio, before looking straight in their direction. Uh-oh, was all they thought as the whistle blew to begin the play, they knew this was  **not** going to end well. Just as they had predicted Yurio ran into- No,  _bulldozed_ the previous speaker before the ball was even passed, clearly please with themselves as the timer buzzed and he walked off the field.

     It almost forged a spout of laughter that they had to swallow down at their friends protectiveness of them, smiling at the fact that only they would cause such a anger in the huge Quarterback. The band of both schools came out from the hidden booths, contrasting from each other in every way possible.  Yet their deep differences wasn't what caught their attention, rather it being a familiar head of sparkling silver hair carrying would was probably the  _biggest marching tuba_ they had ever seen in their entire life, its size being so absurd it was down-right laughable.

     When the strange man had said he had a game after knocking them down, they had thought that he was just another crude jock, not once did marching band cross their mind. Thinking about it now, maybe they had been a  _tad bit_ judgemental, but they were quite fuming that the lack of apology so they weren't really in the accepting mindset they usually wore. 

     Speaking of accepting, the way Yurio was looking at them wasn't that at all, rather sporting a furious and protective scowl which didn't look very nice in their opinion. Deciding that they didn't want, or need, to deal with Yurio right now, they turned to the spectacle in front of them, right before the Trojan solist being playing. A deep and solute sound silenced the stands, and they became downright aghast at the pure emotion and talent that was sprouting out of the Iron instrument, being carried by an equality as irony-haired man.

    They felt a deep feeling in the pit of their stomach, in an unknown and unclear sort of manner, yet not uncomfortable in the slightest. It was a feeling of beauty and understanding and acceptance. It was warm and they never wanted it to go away, yet as the rest of the ensemble joined in once more, the daze went away as if they were on drug-absence. 

     They never knew music could be so...Empowering, they had never felt anything like it and they needed to hear it again, they needed that sense of  _fulfillment_ to wash over them. To envelop them within its grasp, to wash away the words and worries and world hatred. The opened their eyes once more, shivering as a autumn breeze drive pointed spears into their skin. The world looked serile, why hadn't they ever felt this feeling before, seeing as they had heard all the others bands in a uninterested state of numbness and displacement.

     The tuba player. The only remaining factor is the tuba player, he is responsible for this feeling of theirs. They have to hear more, they  _need_ to. They hadn't ever been so at peace, so comfortable in their own skin. Every Time they would ever be even slightly calm, even slightly  **Happy** to be  **Alive** , their tormentors would arrive, notwithstanding if it was at school or at home. So, why did hearing someone make the voices seem frail and insignificant, if only for a moment?

      Why did they feel this way, for someone they had never met before? Why did they sink into a lake of murk and daze when those notes encased and entranced everyone within its witchcraft like ways? They keep thinking these...Thoughts, for so long, the murderous force of time had little effect on them, washing over a crystal shield they had created. Before long the plays had been played, and those who won pronounced winners. They looked for the mystical marching man, yet right as our eyes crossed, I was attacked by an overzealous, overprotective, giant head with streaks of hair as through a field of marigold corn stalks.

     The blazing azure eyes left their sight, and they surrendered with a sigh, turning their attention to their brother in everything but blood, who was still holding onto them. Before long they were bombarded with questions, each being answered to a gradually increasing flaming Yurio, to a point that was freighting. The tried to distract them and invite them to their house for the first time in a long, long time. They both knew why he hadn't been to their house, because in their house they were a "He" and other words that still hadn't been properly introduced to Yurio's knowledge as of yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot twist, Victor is just an obsessive band dork!


End file.
